I know that I have 7 friends who are divorced or separated and waiting for a divorce. I also have countless friends who are on the verge of trading in their faith for good. I was never any good at math but I'm pretty sure these are not positive numbers.
With each case the church has played a major part in these peoples lives. My 7 friends who are divorced were ALL staff members in their church. One of them was also a Marriage Family Therapist.
All divorced.
Each one of these people have had deep encounters with the Lord but still gave up.
Some of the offspring hate the church and mom and dad because of this.
Sometimes you work through a situation and you identify who you're mad at, what they did, how this affected your relationship, pray a blessing and forgive them, and then identify what character flaw was revealed in you. This last step is how we learn what the root of our problem is. There are instances, however, when you realized that actually there is no character flaw in you. An example of this would be physical, emotional, or sexual abuse. When this is present you simple say, "Mom and/or Dad are sick." This means that their sickness is so disturbing that it abuses the innocent which is totally out of your control.
For so many that have been chewed up and spit out by this beast we call church we simple have to say that mom and dad are sick. This act is on of spiritual abuse. Many families go to church looking for a new life or to further their growth in Christ but the church has been ill-equipped to solve their problem.
The church can teach us the do's and dont's but not how to deal with the root symptom. For example, men often struggle with pornography. The solution often taught is confess when you've fallen, put spy ware on your computer, look down when an attractive woman walks by, etc.
NONE of this is the root problem.
You haven't dealt with the source.
This is why spiritual step work is vital to Christian living. When we understand what drives us to act out (lust, anger, gossip) we are able to find victory. The source could be a variety of things; I am lonely, I am controlling, I am arrogant, I am scared.
These are all character defects and they are the source to our brokenness. Most churches do not teach you to embrace your brokenness but to suppress it and 'try harder'. Soon enough this leads people to self destruction because ultimately they can find no victory.
The goal is not 'Victory over my character defects', the goal is 'Victory in the midst of my character defects'.
Being a new creation doesn't mean the old isn't still present. It means that we are walking in a new way under new principles. Our old creation pops up all the time. Suppressing that or being condemned by that is a bad understanding of grace.
The principle of Poor in Spirit.
Total surrender.
This is not weakness but strength.
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1 comment:
Keith,
Great job. This is more than just a post but is a ministry philosophy. If you don't mind me summing up:
1. Bad fruit - divorce in the church and young adults walking away from the church and often faith.
2. Sources of this bad fruit include spiritual abuse and an ill-equipped church culture. Help in the church is too often at a surface level of behaviors.
3. Instead, teach people how to let God into the root motives and the inner workings of our person. (step work and real discipleship/community)
4. This process of letting the teachings of Jesus transform our real motivations in life requires a culture immersed in grace.
Let's keep these ideas in our minds.
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